I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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