I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
