Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
