I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
