I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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