she looked like the before picture.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
