Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
