Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
