i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it glows. i had to have it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
