I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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