billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
