I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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