Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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