he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
