It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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