At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The power of my boobs compel you
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
