I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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