the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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