Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
