is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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