It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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