He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
