So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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