She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
