Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
