I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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