Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
