I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
