Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
