It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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