Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's Friday. Sex?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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