Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
