So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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