Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
