I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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