i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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