you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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