can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
