Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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