My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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