The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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