Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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