Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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