also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
