it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
