i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
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Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
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So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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