it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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