Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
home. puking in laundry basket.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So squirting runs in the family.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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