The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
