so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
