I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
