hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
