Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
