Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
