i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
