if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
