You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
