I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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