remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
