so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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