I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
