is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
