I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
