Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
wow bdsm is so cute
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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