Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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