He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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