D3 body, D1 cock
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
