Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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