insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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