I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
